This question comes from Wlad, who asks:
“At this time I am deployed and I would like to keep my marriage alive while I am gone. Can you please give some suggestions on how to do it?”
Wlad,
I talk about this quite a bit in the “Text The Romance Back” program. The key is to keep yourself “top” in your wife’s mind and to maintain intimacy even when you’re thousands and thousands of miles away.
If you’re deployed, texting probably isn’t practical. In that case you’ll want to adapt the texting techniques I give for email or even on the phone (though I don’t know how often you guys get to talk by voice.)
A couple rules . . .
- Let her know you’re thinking about her by referencing things going on in your day. “I was just watching (movie, tv show, etc…) and remember the first time we watched it together. Really wish I was curled up on the couch with right now. I miss the way your hair smells.”
That kind of thing is like opium for women. Remember, it’s all about the DETAIL and bringing the senses into it. - Open up. Let her know how you feel about what’s going on in your day. Share details of your life, (even the boring stuff.)
- Find time to be “intimate.” Remind her that you find her attractive, that you like her body, and that you’re counting down the minutes until you get to touch her again.
I am a military wife and my husband has been to other countries more than once. We skyped as often as possible. There were even times when we got to have some “alone time” with each other and it was all very fun and different. When he finally got home, we were still connected, but it was great to know he was thinking about me while he was there. I sent him a monthly “gift” box which sometimes contained something personal, like panties, that I told him I wanted him to be the one to take them off when he got home. Things like that were awesome. I hope you and your wife can work through this, I know it is challenging. I highly encourage the marriage retreat after you get home just to help in the reconnecting process.