Why Do Women Test Men?

In today’s post we’re going to talk about why you subconsciously test guys and (hopefully) how to make yourself stop.

Tammy asks:

“Mike,
Why do I do this? Why do women do this? I am in a wonderful, committed relationship. I love him more than I have words for. He loves me and I know it. I have no doubts at all that he loves me back. But, why? Why do I always find myself pushing him for more, for him to always prove it to me? Why can’t I be happy with the fact that I know it, he shows it, he says it. I believe it and understand it, so why??? Ugh, I sometimes hate myself and wonder, I can’t be that insecure, can I? I want nothing more than for us to be together and be happy. We were together for 2 years, broke up for a few months and back together for 6 months now. I am really, really happy this time around and so is he. We are different people this go-around. I wish I could stop making him feel like he has to prove it all the time.”

Hey Tammy . . .

You know, I actually asked my dad this question years and years ago when I was in high school. I was desperately in love with a tall-but-awkward (we were teenagers) brunette. We’d walk down the hallway hand in hand. We’d make out on the stairwells during school dances. We felt those crazy teenaged hormones pushing us like a mack truck closer and closer to physicality we just weren’t ready for.

And then out of nowhere she’d turn on me like a pissed off dragon, yell and scream about what an awful boyfriend I was and make me do backflips of penance to get back in her good graces.

It kind of sucked.

And when I went to my (charming, roguish, womanizing, really-bad-husband) of a father he just looked at me and said “Bitches be crazy.” (Which I promptly made into a song. But I can’t sing it here.)

Anyway, I loved my dad (he passed away a looong time age) but he was a womanizer and a misogynist (and a really bad dancer).

So it’s not that you’re crazy.

At least not any more crazy than the rest of us.

It’s that you’re subconsciously scared.

You’re scared that all the signals he’s giving you that say “YES, I LOVE YOU” (in big, bold neon letters that could hang in Times Square) are a lie.

You’re scared that he’s hiding behind a mask, laughing at you, manipulating you, twirling you on the tip of his pinkie finger and sucking away the good years you’ve got.

You’re scared of being a fool.

And you know what? In some ways that’s pretty normal. Evolutionary Psychologists (the guys and gals who study how the human brain evolved to the crazy, powerful and . . . well, let’s go back to crazy supercomputer we carry around in our skulls) say that women’s “testing” behavior comes from a deep desire and need to choose “the right” mate.

After all, from a purely physical standpoint women have a lot more eggs in the love/sex basket than men do.

Men can go off and “mate” with dozens of women and still have plenty of time and energy to “mate” with dozens more.

But for women sex (and the needy little bundles of cute that can come with it) are kind of a big deal.

So Here’s What You Do . . .

1. Calm down and forgive yourself. Yes, you’re testing him. Yes, you’re kind of insecure. But that just makes you human and makes you just like the other 99,000 women who get this newsletter (OK, I’m sure not EVERY woman on this list is insecure. But I’m insecure too, so I’ll take up their spots.)

2. Remember this: Just because you feel something doesn’t make it true. Instincts and “intuition” are awesome but instincts and “intuition” can be really, really wrong. The part of your brain that’s making you “test” this guy is really the same kind of your brain that makes you really, really like processed sugar. When those feelings come up you can just look at them, laugh at them and even talk to your guy about them (he sounds like a good guy.) But you don’t have to ACT on them.

3. Set up a ritual for yourself. When you feel the “Testing urge” come up:
Take a deep breathe.
Point and laugh at the urge (Oh, look, I’m feeling an urge to push my guy away.)
Do the absolute opposite. Instead of dragging him through the coals either give him a compliment or just say “I really love how much you love me.” or something cheesy like that.)

Oh, and if you haven’t already, go watch my “How To Know If He Loves You” video here:

http://whyhelies.com/does-he-love-you/

Hell, watch it 100 times (OK, maybe not that many. I have to pay for the bandwidth. =-))

Hope that helps.

If you’ve got a comment, leave it on my Facebook wall

Much love.

Mike

P.S. Here’s that video link again:

http://whyhelies.com/does-he-love-you/

P.S. Hey: Question: I’m working on something right now called “The 2nd Date Guarantee” about how to guarantee a guy will call you for a second date after the first. Let me know on FB if you’re interested.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Is He Afraid of Commitment?

Georgia asks…

“I am a daily reader of your e-mails. I believe that all your e-mails
are very interesting. Here is a question for you: Could be a man so
hurt by a previous relationship, that he won’t be able to start a new
one?..

Could that be a ‘Afraid of commitment? or just traumatise ?
Perhaps.? ….. Would help me to get an answer of that.

I know you will have an answer or an advise for me to coop with this
that is killing my head…

Thanks a bunch…

M. P.
Georgia”

Hey M.P.,

Thanks for your question.

Let me turn it around on you:

Could *you* be so hurt by a marriage or a relationship that you’d find it hard to move on with somebody else?
Well, yeah. Of course. (I mean, sheesh, I get dozens of emails a day from women saying they gnaw their lips and shiver at the very IDEA of being with a man again after what that “son of a bitch” did to her. So . . . you know.)

Anyway: I’m actually in the middle of finishing up a new (cheap) kindle ebook called “6 Ways To Crack The Man Code: How To Get Any Guy To Open Up” which is all about men’s emotions, how they’re different than women’s and how to talk to guys in a way that he’ll actually respond to (instead of grunting and hiding in the corner.) – Hoping to have it for you next week.

But the point for now is that guys DO have emotions, guys DO get beat up and brutalized by love and guys do spend years and years licking their wounds and building scabs around their hearts so they won’t get hurt again.

Actually, I’ve got a term for these guys. I call them “Wounded Bears” because they’re big and lumbering and quiet and are prone to taking your head off if you get too close. (Also, they like honey and peanut butter.)

Now, three big things here:

1. You didn’t say what kind of trauma your guy went through, but it’s good that you’ve got some sympathy for him.

2. I say this in my “Relationship Bill Of Rights” video, but just because you’ve got sympathy for a guy and the crap he’s gone through doesn’t mean you should allow him to project it onto you or let yourself be punished for the sins of other women.

One of my big pet peeves is when folks write in saying stuff like “Well, my boyfriend has to understand that my EX boyfriend cheated on me and so he has to be EXTRA sensitive and isn’t allowed to have any female friends at all.”

Because that’s crap.

Like I say in the http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyQWfqc6EOY

“You have the right To Be Judged And Treated According
To Your Own Words And Actions, not
on the words and actions of the other douchebags,
bitches or dorks your partner
may have dated in the past.”

So if you want to be with this guy you’ve got to be ready to stand up for yourself, realize his pain has nothing to do with you and make sure you don’t give away everything you are for him.

3. He’s not ready and you can’t save him. Yeah, it’s romantic to think you can be his Florence Nightingale, but men almost never end up with the women they see right after a breakup or divorce. Give him time and space. Move on. Maybe come back later. Maybe.

And let’s do one more:

Wonder Woman asks:
My sweetheart has asked me to take it slow. I’m respecting that by giving him the time he needs. It’s been 4.5 months . We talk almost daily . We keep in touch we have had 5 ‘dates’ alone and 6-8 other times meeting in groups. He has a 15 year old son every other weekend . Anyway I haven’t had a real kiss yet – 2 brush of lips kisses .. And I finally got a real flirt with him via text.
How much time will he need ? I’m almost 52 not getti g any younger here!”

Are you sure he’s your sweetheart?

Honestly, WW, this sounds weird. Taking it slow is fine, but this is glacial. If he’s going THIS slow it either means he’s not attracted to you physically (he could be gay and closeted. He could be asexual.) or he’s got major hang ups around physical stuff (the plumbing doesn’t work as well as it used to), or he’s just too beat up from his old relationship to have anything serious.

Either way, stop waiting around.

Like I always say “NEVER WAIT FOR A MAN.”

It just builds resentment.

Just tell him “I really like you, but I can’t keep waiting around for something that might never happen. Look me up when you’re ready and if I’m available we’ll see what happens.”

And then move on.

Seriously.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

This Terrifies Men…

Today, we’re going to talk about stuff that TERRIFIES men . . .

Kajal KB asks on my Facebook wall

“Why are men so scared to cry in front of us? Crying is a sign of strength!”

Hey Kajal,

You’re really asking the absolute wrong question. In fact, you’re making a huge mistake that a LOT of women make: You’re assuming that men COULD cry in front of you if we wanted to but that we’re gritting our teeth, willing our tear ducts to dry up and driving our fingernails into our palms in a valiant attempt to hold the torrent of tears back.

Which just ain’t true.

Whenever I get a question like “Why are men AFRAID to cry in front of women” I always turn it around and say something snarky like . ..

“Why are you AFRAID to pick up the Statue of Liberty in front of men?”

And then I get a withering “You’re such a smart ass” look.

But anyway . ..

The point is that most men aren’t “afraid” to cry in front of women it’s that most men simply can’t cry in front of women (Or in front of men. Or in front of their dog. Or the television. Or while on the planet earth.)

I talk about this a LOT in my upcoming Kindle ebook (which I’m still trying to figure out the title for, but it’s ALL about men’s emotions and how to get men to open up to you and tell you how he feels) but crying is HARD for guys.

I mean, I’m a pretty emotionally hip guy who deals with this stuff every day and is all sensitive and stuff . . .

And I can count the number of times I’ve CRIED in the last 5 years on 3 fingers of one hand. (Because I’ve cried three times.)

I cried once (bawled like a baby, actually) when a good friend and mentor of mine passed away from a vicious form of cancer.

I cried when my ex girlfriend and I broke up.

And I cried (a lot) last year when my girlfriend’s dog died.

And you know what? The fact that I’ve cried so little actually pisses me off.

I WISH I could cry more. Because crying is awesome. It’s cathartic and cleansing and wonderful and lowers stress hormones like crazy.

But like a LOT of guys I just can not do it unless something MAJOR happens. It’s not “fear” that holds me (or most guys you meet) back . . . it’s that that “crying” circuit in our brains either doesn’t exist or has been beaten and smashed out of us by brutal, intolerant of “wimps” childhoods.

So again, you’re asking the wrong question. (But if a guy is a “cryer” and still won’t cry in front of “you” it’s because he doesn’t feel emotionally safe. We’ll talk about that later.)

Darcie Beddell asks . . .

“Why are men so afraid of a commitment if they can just break up with her if it doesn’t work out….?”

If you haven’t already, you should read the “Death Of Possibility” essay I wrote some time back. You can check it out here

As for the rest of your question: Dude, have you TRIED breaking up with a girl once you’ve made a commitment? It’s nowhere near as easy as you make it sound. Most guys I know actually take a commitment way more seriously than that. Once you agree to “commit” you’ve made a promise and it’s a promise that’s hard to un-make.

And . . . one more quickie . . .

“Is it possible to be in love with two different people? And if so, what do you do?”
–Cheri

Yup. Totally possible. Actually, whenever folks tell me that it’s “impossible” to love more than one person I always say “Oh, OK, so which of your kids do you love?”

That shuts em up.

Anyway: Love isn’t a finite resource and it’s totally possible to have romantic feelings for more than one person at a time. Heck, there’s a LOT of people out there in “polyamorous” relationships where “loving more than one person at a time” is kind of the definition of what they do.

But it sounds to me like that’s not what you’re looking for. You’re in the middle of a love rhombus and are trying to figure out which guy to go for.

And the answer for you is . . .

You be honest (with the guys involved and with yourself.)

You don’t take any rash action.

You be careful with all the hearts involved.

And you stop beating yourself up so much. You’re human. You’ve got a big heart.
But this is one of those cases where you have to act like an adult and use your words. Sucks, huh?

Want to know if HE loves YOU too? Go watch this (incredibly popular) video called “How To Know If He Loves You: 7 Simple Questions That Show You How He Really Feels” . . .

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

He’s a Bad Kisser…

In today’s post we’re going to talk about what KISSING says about your chances with a guy and what to do if a guy is a bad kisser.

Here’s a fun one:

L asks:

“What if you are compatible with a guy- same political views, likes, dislikes,etc. have a lot in common and do things together but he is an incredibly bad kisser.- ie eating your face- the french tongue- ewe!! So much it turns you off. Or you’re sitting there and he has to hug you. Does this mean you’re incompatible and dump him or work on the kissing. I think its rediculous someone doesn’t know how to kiss good.”

Hey L…

How do you know *he’s* the bad kisser and it’s not you?

Several years ago when I was single I was hanging out with a female friend and we were talking about kissing. We both LOVED kissing. Kissing was like a religion for us. Kissing is an art form. Kissing is fun. She said she was one of the greatest kissers in 3 states. I said I was one of the greatest kissers in 3 countries. It went on like that with our half-drunk bragging. We were both really impressed with our kissing. We both thought we deserved kissing awards.

So after talking about it for a while and bragging like idiots about our kissing we decided “Hey, we’re both single! We’re both great kissers! Let’s kiss!”

And we did.

I leaned in close to her. I kept my lips moist and loose. I grabbed her by the back of the head.

And she shoved her tongue so far down my throat I could swear she was tasting what I had for breakfast.

Her tongue tap danced around my mouth like it was auditioning for “Dancing With The Stars.” Her teeth nibbled on my lips like they were beef jerky. It was wet and sloppy and aggressive and . . . frightening.

I held on for dear life, tried to protect the fleshier parts of my face and then (eventually, finally, thankfully) was able to push her away.

And then from across the couch she wiped her lips and said “You’re not very good at this.”

So, you know, kissing is subjective. The way YOU want to be kissed and the way HE wants to be kissed could be about as similar as cheeseburgers and rocket science. Some people LIKE the “french tongue thing.” Some people like really aggressive kisses like you see on romance novels. Some people like dancing little pecks.

So here’s the thing:

1. Use your words. If you don’t like the way you’re being kissed, you say “I like to be kissed like this.” And you slow things down. And you actually SHOW the guy what you want (I know, I know, he’s just supposed to magically know EXACTLY what you want. But he doesn’t. Because you left your operating manual at home. Deal with it.)

2. Sometimes a bad kiss is nature’s way of telling you he’s “the wrong guy.” At least genetically. Studies have shown that kissing and the “spark” you get from kissing is our body’s way of finding out if somebody is a good genetic match for us (is their immune system different enough from ours that we’ll have robust super babies who can survive the coming flu-pocalypse.) A “bad” kiss or a kiss with “no spark at all” usually means there’s no core chemical attraction.

3. TANGENT: For the guys reading this: If you really want to heat things up with a woman and have her swooning about how you’re the sexiest guy she’s ever met all you really have to do is take sex off the table for a while and let her know you’re JUST going to make out . . . for a while. Like hours. She’ll like it (if you’re good at it.) I promise.

4. Remember: A kiss is a conversation. And a good conversation is a back and forth. You’ll be amazed what you can learn about somebody if you really get into the “back and forth” of kissing.

Comments? Questions?

Put them on my Facebook wall

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

He’ll Never Pop The Question Unless…

Hope you’re having a great start to your new year! In today’s post, I decided to do a special video for you on my new Youtube Channel . . .

It’s called “How Long Should You Wait For Him To Marry You” and tells you EXACTLY how long you should “wait around” for a guy who hasn’t popped the question.

I probably don’t tell you what you want to hear in this 7 minute video, but it’s something you NEED to hear.

Go watch it, leave a comment and let me know in the comments section what you’d like to see in my next Youtube video.

Posted in Blog | 1 Comment

How Long Should You Wait for a Man?

digital-romance-logoDon’t forget to check out
Digital Romance Radio

On with the show…

In today’s post I’m going
to answer the question “How Long
Should You Wait” for a man . . .

It might hurt.

Lisa asks . . .
“Mike, I just finished
‘Make Him Beg To Be Your Boyfriend’ . . .
Then sent a message to the man of
my dreams saying ‘Look me up when
you’re single.’ God, I hope I did the right
thing.
I’m 51 – look 33 – feel great. Been married
for 23 years and have not been intimate
with my husband for 10 years – yes, years.
Not months or days or hours.
I met a man last year who cared for me
and really opened up an emotional part
of me that I thought was gone forever.
We are friends, not lovers. However,
three months ago, I did meet a man -
that would be the dreamy one. He
has been separated from his wife for
10 months, but I later found out that
was work related.
When the contract ended, he returned home.
He claims he ‘hates’ his wife – strong words, I know.
The alarm bells did go off, and I told him
so. Something about disrespect. So now the
words are ‘dislike very much.’ She is a drinker,
never works, a bad mother etc. He can’t leave
because of the children. I am also not
divorced or separated officially, but we
clearly both know that no marriage
exists between us. I travel
for work and come home on weekends.
I’m three years from when my children
go off to college.
Anyway, I think my dream man
and I are in love and I really do want him. So I said
goodbye. I want him all to myself, so
until he leaves his
wife (and I my husband) I think your advice
is good. Feels empty today, butI knew
if I stayed I would have slept with him. I
can’t be his friend because I want to rip
his clothes off. So here I wait, trusting
I did the right thing.”

Whew.

Lisa, yours is the kind of email that gets
me out of bed in the morning to do this job.
I can feel your hurt right through the computer
screen and wish I could give you a hug
or tell you everything was going
to magically be OK.
It WILL be OK, but it’s not going to be
magic. It’s going to be time and you
doing what you need to to get away
from the dead relationship you
have with your husband
and find somebody who who’s both
emotionally and “legally”
available.
There’s a LOT of stuff I could talk
about in your email, but let me just grab
a few things here:

1. You DEFINITELY did the right thing.
I get emails every day from
women asking if they should
“wait” for a guy who’s still married,
who has a girlfriend (but he’s TOTALLY
going to dump her,) who “just wants to
be friends” (but he’s TOTALLY
going to change his mind), who’s hung
up on his ex, who’s married to his job . . .
Again and again they ask “Mike, long
should I wait for this guy?”
And the answer is (and I know
it’s harsh):
You should NEVER wait for a guy.
As I guy myself I can tell you that
men can very quickly become
comfortable in a status
quo (I’ve done it myself.)
If you’re there for him (physically
or emotionally) while he’s
still married or taken or distracted
there’s no motivation whatsoever
for him to actually make the
change you so desperately want.
All waiting does is waste your
time and create a mountain of
bitterness in your heart.
(And dating a married guy
is ALWAYS a bad idea, no matter
how “bad” he says his
marriage is.)

2. The next 3 years
shouldn’t be a prison sentence for you.
It doesn’t sound like you and
your husband “hate” each other.
It just sounds like the passion
drained out of your marriage
like a sieve a long time ago.
I know you’re staying together for
the kids because you think
that stability is going to help them,
but in a lot of cases kids are helped
way more by seeing their parents
actually happy.
I grew up in an emotionally
violent household myself
(my parents were awful together.)
They stayed together for me
and my brother and too this day
I can’t figure out why. We both WANTED
them to get divorced and to stop
beating each other up.
Your mileage may vary, but
your happiness matters too.
Having children doesn’t mean
you have to be miserable.

3. You did the right thing
calling this guy on his “hatred”
of his wife.
I actually wrote about this on Facebook a few
weeks ago:
“If every ex you have is a bitch,
an asshole or a horrible person
it says a lot more about you than
it does about them:
It says . . .
A. You have horrible taste.
B. You’re unconsciously putting
something out there to only
attract horrible people.
C. They’re not really horrible
at all (you’re the one thing
they all have in common.)”
Anyway, talking shit about
an ex (or a current in this case)
is always a bad idea and good
job shutting him down.
Whew!
Long one.

If you have a comment about “Lisa’s”
email (I changed her name and a few details)
post them on my Facebook wall

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Talk to Him Without it Turning into a Fight

Talk To Him Without It Being A Fight . . .

Really Quick: We FINALLY launched
our new weekly advice podcast “Digital
Romance Radio
.” Each week me
and my plucky (and vicious)
sidekick Nora answer your questions
about love, romance, sex, whatever.

And now, on with the show.

In today’s post I’m going to tell
you how to “Fight Proof” your
relationship with a man so
you never fall into
stupid fights and anxiety
and anger again . . .

Sarah asks:

“I want to talk to my boyfriend about how he is
suddenly treating me or not treating me.
According to the ‘how to tell if he really loves
you’ he does love me. He does all of the steps except actually
saying the words that he loves me.
He still makes plan for the future with me.
However lately he doesn’t seem to care
about what I want or how I feel, and our
conversations and time together seems
strained. I want to ask him what is going on with
him but I’m afraid it will drive a
bigger wedge between us. Is he loses the feelings
he felt for me, or is it a phase.
How do I start the conversation of how
I feel and what I need from him in return,
and where we are going as a couple
since he doesn’t mention that anymore?”

Hey Sarah,

Thanks so much for your question and
honestly, congratulations.

By using our little “Does He Really Love You
tool you get to address the problems in
your relationship from a realistic
place instead of from a place of anxiety.

Now let’s dig into your question by breaking it
down into a couple parts:

Part 1: How To Get A Guy To
Do What You Want Without
Starting A Fight . . .

Let me tell you a story
about a trip to Mexico I took
recently.

A couple weeks back my (awesome)
girlfriend and I took a trip down
to Cancun for a “business trip.”
(It was a lot of fun.)

And while we were there we got
into a little fight.

And the reason we got into a little
fight was because she hit
me with a stick when she
should have offered me a carrot.

See, we were in a bar in
Cancun with a bunch of other
folks from the conference when
I glanced over and saw
my girlfriend in conversation
with a guy.

In the past, we’ve had a small
problem because she feels like
whenever I see her talking to a
guy I come over and “mark my
territory” by wrapping my
arms around her or otherwise
making it VERY clear that
she’s MY woman when
she’s just having an innocent conversation.

(Personally, when I was
single I always appreciated
it when guys let me know a
girl was taken, but whatever.)

Anyway, this time I glanced
over, saw she was talking
to a guy and very specifically
did NOT go over and interrupt
or interject into their
conversation in any way.

I was pretty proud of myself.

Until 5 minutes later
she came over and all hell
broke loose.

See, my (awesome)
girlfriend came over and said

“Mike, I really need you to
not do that thing you do where
you get all lovey on me
when I’m talking to someone.”

And all of a sudden I got mad.

Because I DIDN’T do that thing
and I was getting “yelled at” for
it anyway.

What my girlfriend
SHOULD have done was
come over to me and say
“Hey, thank you so much for
not coming over and getting
all handset on me while
I was talking to that guy about
business stuff. You’re awesome.
I love you.”

In other words, she should
have used POSITIVE reinforcement
instead of NEGATIVE criticism.

And this can apply to your situation too.

If you go to your guy from a place of anger,
pain and criticism it’s going to put
him on the defensive and make him
“blow up” the way I kind of did.

But if you go to him praising him
for whatever little thing he’s doing right,
it gives you a chance to broach the topic
in a less confrontational way.

So . . .

Bad: “I feel like you’re ignoring me!!”

Good: “It’s really great knowing
how much you love me.”

But then that brings us to the
second part of your question:

Part 2: Is he losing feelings for
you or is it a phase?

Well, I don’t know.

And neither do you.

And neither does he.

In any relationship there’s going
to be ebbs and flows in the feelings
you have for each other.

There’s going to be days you wake up INCREDIBLY
in love and obsessed with your man.

And there’s going to be days you wish you
could replace him with an animatronic teddy
bear.

And the same goes for him.

But here’s a few principles:

A. What he’s going through
probably has very little to do with
you or how he feels about you at all.
(He’s obviously got something on
his mind.)

B. He’s “going internal” because
a lot of guys simply don’t know
how to share their feelings or are
afraid of being judged.

So what do you do?

For now I’d recommend something along
the lines of making him a little card
that says . . .

“Seems like you’ve been going through
something lately. Just wanted to let you know
how much I love you no matter what it is.”

In other words, show support without “prying.”

If that doesn’t work, you’ll need to bring out
the big guns and flat out tell him
“I know you love me, but I really need
you to talk to me.”

It might blow up in your face, but at least you’ll
get somewhere.

P.S. I’m thinking of writing a
kindle book called “Never Fight Again”
that will expand a lot on this topic.

Let me know if you’re interested
by writing to reviews@digitalromanceinc.com

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Take Her Out Without Breaking the Bank

In today’s post I’m going to 
teach you how to have an incredible first

date with a woman even if you’re dead
 and can’t even afford to buy dinner . . .
Here we go . . .

Thulani asks . . .
“Hey Mike, how are you? I have been 
having a problem trying
to think of ways to 
enjoy my first date with this hot chick.
I’m
 trying to think of activities we can enjoy
 together without
breaking my 
pocket. Any suggestions?”

Hey Thulani, thanks for the 
message.
And thanks even more for opening 
up door for me to talk
about the relationship 
between women, attraction and money.

When you talk to some women,
they’ll swear up and down that

when it comes to love and attraction,
money doesn’t matter . . .

That what they really want is a guy
 with a good heart,
who’s faithful 
and kind and that they’d be happy 
with
a guy who was totally poor
 if the love they had was pure.

And . . .

Well, according to science,
they’d be lying.

There was a study a while
 ago where scientists took a

bunch of pictures of guys
 and asked groups of women
 how
attractive they were.
They had pictures of square
 jawed models, pictures of
skinny-necked 
nerds, guys in suits, fit guys, fat 
guys, feminine guys . . .
You, know, a whole bunch of guys.

And they had the women
 “grade” the guys on attractiveness

like we were sides of beef or something.
The first group of women graded the
 guys purely on physical
appearance 
with no other information about them.
So the “handsome” guys got 
9’s and 10’s while the “less handsome” 
guys got 5’s and 6’s.

But then the scientists got sneaky:
Underneath the photo of each guy they
 put a little information.
Nothing much,
just a name and an occupation.
So suddenly instead of just a picture 
of a guy with cheekbones
that could cut
 marble you had a picture of a guy with

cheekbones that could cut marble
 with the words “Pizza Boy” or “CEO” 
under it.

They did this for all the guys and 
had a BUNCH of women
go through 
the whole process.
And what they found again 
and again was that the women

(without even realizing they
were doing it) would grade guys

with “good” careers (and higher 
incomes) as actually being

BETTER looking than guys 
with “bad” careers.

So let’s take our guy
 with the crazy sharp cheekbones . . .
To the group of women who didn’t
 get ANY career info, he averaged 
out as an 8.
To the group of women who were 
told he was a powerful CEO he 
was a 9.
To the group of women who were 
told he was a Pizza Boy, he was a 6.
And here’s the weird thing:
It’s not that these women were being 
“gold diggers” or anything like that.
It’s that they were legitimately MORE 
attracted to the guy knowing

that he had his shit together 
and could be a good provider.
Remember, when it comes to judging
 if a guy is dating
(or marrying or even
bedding) material, status means
 a LOT to women.

Women risk a lot (genetically speaking) 
when they get together with a
guy
 (while guys risk almost nothing . . . which 
is why we’re
totally fine dating Baristas and 
models who never went to
high school 
even if we’re rich.)
Now, does that mean that if you’re “poor” 
or haven’t found your
fortune yet
 you don’t have a chance with a hot
chick?
Nope, not it all. It just means 
you need to focus on creating

adventure and establishing 
that you’re a valuable guy 
who’s going somewhere.

I talk about this a LOT in
 “Make Her Beg To Be Your
Girlfriend” but if you want to get this “hot chick” 
begging to
go out with you again you
 need to pique her curiosity 
before your date . . .

And then create a DRAMATIC
 experience for her during
 the date.
Which has absolutely nothing
 to do with money.

So what do you do?
A few days before the date:
Send her intriguing
 (and kind of confusing questions):
“Hey, I’m really excited 
about our date on Saturday.
Really quick, what’s your shoe size?”
Or
“Really quick, do you eat fish?”
Or
“Just out of curiosity, are 
you afraid of heights?”
The DAY before the date,
tell her how to prepare for 
the date
with out actually
 telling her what the date is:
“OK, I’m picking you up 
at 7. Wear your best
 jeans and bring a light
 sweater.
This is going to be fun.”

Then ON the actual date . . .
Bring her somewhere
 interesting and fun but that
doesn’t 
actually cost you a lot of money.
Somewhere she would never think of
 to go by herself.
Where?
Well, this is where you have to
 get a little creative, break 
her
expectations and show
 that you’re somebody she can have fun
with . . .
So, instead of going to a fancy
 restaurant, take her
to “the best 
damned burger joint for three
 states.”
Instead of going to a movie,
take her to
“A park with a view
 of the city she’s never seen
before.”
Etc.
It’s really up to you to come up with the activity, but I’ll

tell you right now that the BEST dates 
are almost always the ones where

you DON’T spend a lot of money.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

How Long Should I Wait?

How Long Should You Wait For A Man 
What To Do If He Wants You To Wait . . .

In today’s post I’m going

to answer the question “How Long
 Should You Wait” for a man . . .

It might hurt.

This week’s “Digital Romance Radio” 
podcast episode is up . . . 
You can listen here

On with the show:
Lisa asks . . .
“Mike, I just finished 
‘Make Him Beg To Be Your Boyfriend’
. . .
Then sent a message to the man of 
my dreams saying
‘Look me up when
you’re single.’ God, I hope I did the right 
thing.
I’m 51 – look 33 – feel great. Been married 
for 23 years
and have not been intimate 
with my husband for 10 years – yes, years.

Not months or days or hours.
I met a man last year who cared for me
 and really
opened up an emotional part
 of me that I thought was gone forever.
We are friends, not lovers. However,
three months ago,
I did meet a man – that would be the dreamy one.
He
 has been separated from his wife for 
10 months,
but I later found out that 
was work related.
When the contract ended, he returned home.

He claims he ‘hates’ his wife – strong words, I know.
The alarm bells did go off, and I told him
 so.
Something about disrespect. So now the 
words are
‘dislike very much.’ She is a drinker,
never works,
a bad mother etc. He can’t leave 
because of the children.
I am also not 
divorced or separated officially,
but we 
clearly both know that no marriage
 exists between us.
I travel
 for work and come home on weekends.

I’m three years from when my children 
go off to college.
Anyway, I think my dream man 
and I are in love
and I really do want him. So I said 
goodbye.
I want him all to myself, so
 until he leaves his
 wife
(and I my husband) I think your advice
 is good.
Feels empty today, butI knew 
if I stayed I would
have slept with him. I
 can’t be his friend because
I want to rip 
his clothes off. So here I wait, trusting
 I did the right thing.”

Whew.

Lisa, yours is the kind of email that gets 
me
out of bed in the morning to do this job.
I can feel your hurt right through the computer 
screen
and wish I could give you a hug
 or tell you everything
was going
 to magically be OK.
It WILL be OK, but it’s not going to be 
magic.
It’s going to be time and you

doing what you need to to get away 
from the dead
relationship you 
have with your husband
and find
somebody who who’s both 
emotionally and “legally” 
available.

There’s a LOT of stuff I could talk 
about in your email,
but let me just grab 
a few things here:
1. You DEFINITELY did the right thing.
I get emails every day from 
women asking if they
should 
“wait” for a guy who’s still married,

who has a girlfriend (but he’s TOTALLY
going to dump her,)
who “just wants to 
be friends” (but he’s TOTALLY 
going to change his mind),
who’s hung 
up on his ex, who’s married to his job . . .

Again and again they ask “Mike, long
 should I wait for this guy?”
And the answer is (and I know 
it’s harsh):

You should NEVER wait for a guy.

As I guy myself I can tell you that 
men can very quickly
become 
comfortable in a status 
quo (I’ve done it myself.)

If you’re there for him (physically 
or emotionally)
while he’s
 still married or taken or distracted

there’s no motivation whatsoever 
for him to actually make
the
 change you so desperately want.

All waiting does is waste your 
time and create a
mountain of 
bitterness in your heart.
(And dating a married guy
is ALWAYS a bad idea,
no matter 
how “bad” he says his 
marriage is.)

2. The next 3 years 
shouldn’t be a prison sentence for you.
It doesn’t sound like you and 
your husband “hate” each other.

It just sounds like the passion
 drained out of your marriage

like a sieve a long time ago.
I know you’re staying together for 
the kids because
you think
 that stability is going to help them, 
but in a
lot of cases kids are helped 
way more by seeing their
parents 
actually happy.
I grew up in an emotionally 
violent household myself

(my parents were awful together.)
They stayed together for me 
and my brother
and too this day 
I can’t figure out why.
We both WANTED
 them to get divorced and
to stop 
beating each other up.
Your mileage may vary, but 
your happiness matters too.
Having children doesn’t mean
 you have to be miserable.

3. You did the right thing 
calling this guy on his “hatred” 
of his wife.
I actually wrote about this on Facebook a few 
weeks ago:
“If every ex you have is a bitch, 
an asshole or a horrible
person it says a lot more about you than
 it does about them:
It says . . .
A. You have horrible taste.

B. You’re unconsciously putting 
something out there
to only
 attract horrible people.

C. They’re not really horrible 
at all (you’re the one thing
 they all have in common.)”

Anyway, talking shit about
 an ex (or a current in this case)

is always a bad idea and good 
job shutting him down.

Whew!
Long one.

If you have a comment about “Lisa’s” 
email (I changed her name and a few details)
post them on my Facebook wall

P.S. If you don’t have “Make Him Beg To Be
Your Boyfriend” it’s STILL just $2.99 on Kindle:

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Truth About Cheating

You ever wonder why people cheat,
what it MEANS if
somebody cheats
and how you can keep the man
or woman
in your life (or even
 yourself) from ever even
 THINKING about cheating?

Then you’re going to want to go 
listen to the first episode of

my new “Digital Romance Radio” 
podcast.

In this episode my trusty 
sidekick Nora and I
reveal
the stunning truth about
 why people cheat,
tell 
you why “monogamy
is like flying an airplane”

and answer a whole bunch 
of questions about how to keep

your man or woman faithful.

The easiest (and best) 
way to grab the podcast is

by downloading our new 
“Digital Romance Radio” app 
from iTunes . . .

P.S. If you don’t have an iPhone, iPad 
or iPod touch you can STILL get
to the podcast by subscribing 
on iTunes or Skitcher,
or just by playing it 
off our website

P.P.S. If you have a question
you want us to answer in
 a future podcast you can submit
 it here

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment